free advice on how to take a sick day

1) Blowing your nose with paper towels leaves rug burn on your face. Yes Virginia, that is unfortunate.

2) It is preferable to clean up the 976 discarded tissues and paper towels off the coffee table before your roommate gets home. Especially clear the apartment of all evidence you ate the last of her good (slightly old) Halloween candy.

3) Remember you have to write a paper and it is due at 5 pm. Remember all day on a regular basis but don’t start it. It’s more important that you explore the depths of stumbleupon.com. Subsequently make banana bread from scratch (please take all proper precautions from the almost certain amalgamation of snot and batter).

4) Wonder how it’s possible you have generated so much mucous in such a short time and survived. No, really.

5) Talk to two friends via gmail chat and one via text message while making banana bread and keeping your hands clean.

6) Are you properly stressed over not writing your assignment? Good, because it’s almost 5pm.

7) Remember you stayed home today because you are sick, lick the batter bowl, and lay your aching feverish body back on the couch. Contemplate whose suave idea it was to make banana bread in the first place when you’re fairly sure eating is going to be futile.

8) Whine and moan for the benefit of the cats that might be questioning your permanent residence on the couch. Push them off if they try to join you. God, annoying. No one can pet two cats and fret over finding the end of the internet.

9) It’s 7 pm, have a cup of coffee while the morning’s dose of prednisone starts to really kick in, find the energy to get on your bike trainer for 45 minutes and completely overdo it.

10) Quit talking to your neighbor about nothing and *get in the shower*.

11) Somehow become so engrossed in lolling around that 10pm just blindsided you, your paper is five hours late. Commence paper writing.

12) Realize Nyquil makes writing in your native tongue virtually impossible.

13) Realize you have rugburn on your face. Let this provide fodder for imminent blog posting. No, it’s cool, paper is like – 2/3rds finished.