free advice like you've never seen before. (i.e. wipe the saliva puddle off your chin, honestly)

If you go to christmas dinner, and seven people are attending said dinner, and the spread on the table includes filet mignon, turkey, ham, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberries, homemade rolls, triple chocolate cupcakes, homemade blueberry cheesecake, homemade apple pie and ice cream, 6 different assortments of cookies, crackers and cheese, fruit, vegetables and dip, five pounds of shrimp and cocktail sauce....

For the love of god...one bite of everything honestly. Because, really, there is no way in hell you can cram in the necessary four pounds of sweet potato casserole with all that other noise distracting your belly from the annual requisite sweet potato casserole stuff fest. It is absolutely acceptable to fork-stab incoming hands for the casserole dish you have annexed. If necessary, retire to your bedroom with the casserole dish and serving spoon, sit on your bedroom floor indian style - and bonus points if you can fit the entire serving spoon in your mouth. its christmas. you deserve it.

free advice part 4

how to enjoy christmas eve in two easy steps.

1) eat a xanax
2) slouch on the sofa and stare at the most beautiful christmas tree you have ever laid your eyes on. This would be whilst simultaneously shrugging away any minor worry that tries to soil the most phenonmonally blase experience you have ever been so intensly blase excited to be blase.
optional 3) dab the drool that pools at the corners of your mouth.

c&h

bob

Pulling marathon shifts at the scope does less then wonders for my already delirious mind state induced by marathon sleepless nights. However, sitting in a dark, smelly, cramped, cold room has its advantageous, because the core facility is run by the one and only, Bob the superhero. Don't believe he is a superhero? Tough. You know why he is a superhero? Because he makes fresh bread daily in the lab, and then, he not only allows, but encourages me, to sit at his cozy table and chat whilst eating a meager 57 slices of his delicious, buttery, soft, warm, fresh baked creation. Today Bob the superhero also had a mocha cheesecake. What is even more delicious then fresh baked bread? Eating it while you work, beats the eff out of that whole whistle nonsense. That's right, Bob the superhero lets me eat at the scope.





Bob the superhero also has a nice microscope collection. That is to say, these microscopes are probably worth more combined then the entire population of the eastern coast of the united states of america. Adjusting the stage, focus, and imaging 13 slices of my cells with only a few clicks of my mouse while shining no less then 100 different wavelengths of light on my sample at my pleasure is almost more sweetness then I can handle. The only thing this scope is not capable of, is marriage, otherwise, I would be in Vegas instead of blogging.









So, while eating bread, and scoping, and eating bread.












I determined why exactly they have two monitors to display the contents of one scope. Hah! This is why I am a grad student. Take notes people.


Thank god I can simultaneously read post secret, the superficial, peruse craigslist, keep tabs on my mail AND facebook while scoring endless macrophages. Bob the superhero is the coolest core facility manager ever. honestly. Thank you super hero Bob, for turning what would have been a mundane crappy day into a carb filled entertaining delight!

-fin-

I am freezing, exhausted, and starving. I have not eaten since breakfast (it is 8pm), I am wearing flip flops (it is in the 30's), and I did not sleep last night (nor did I two nights ago - cumulative muck effect). I am also sitting in a lab with nothing to entertain me but a computer - and as it turns out you schleps are dead on facebook right now which means I have almost no entertainment at all.

But, despite falling apart at the seams, I am overly elated because I have just completed my *last* take home of the semester.

That's right. My take home final rests in completion beside me, all warm and toasty from being freshly printed, and ready to turn in tomorrow at 10 a.m.

I just wanted you to know that, even though it may look like I have bags the size of Croatia under my eyes, and my hair is unwashed, and I am more slouched in my chair then is humanily possible, and my eyes are glazed over, and my mouth is agape, you should and may consider being extraordinarily jealous. Because I am finished. and it was hard. and I almost died approximately 42 times this semester to get here. and I climbed over the metaphorical equivalent of 238 mountains to be at this point. right now. about to pick up a subsidiary dinner from the Teeter, where I will walk amongst the regular folk, who will have no idea how exactly special, this fucking moment is.

free advice part two

If you want to pour grape nuts into your uneaten yogurt, only seven will fit into the container, and approximately 926 will fit on your counter.

So, before just pouring away to your hearts content minding little else then the cats at your ankle, do yourself a giant favor and eat a bite of yogurt first, or get a bowl - if you're the type that keeps clean bowls around. Then find me and thank me, I will be in the kitchen looking at Becky and shrugging innocently at the elusive grape nut mountain. That is all.