If you received a sonicare toothbrush for christmas from your parents, and the following conditions hold true:
a) you don't like to clean your bathroom mirror on a daily basis
b) you find toothpaste spit in your hair unbecoming
c) you find toothpaste spit in your eyes to be even less appealing
d) brushing your teeth with more skill then a five year old is a barometer of your integrity
Then - I would suggest not turning the device on until it is planted safely inside your mouth, with your lips firmly closing your around the neck of the toothbrush, with all your might (white bloodless lips are almost essential at this point) and maintaining this stance for the duration of brushing, at all times. no kidding, all times. I mean - if you even think of parting your lips for the briefest of moments - prepare to splatter your bathroom vanity, mirror, yourself, the cat that terminally lives in your sink, your neighbor will wonder why snow is falling by their windows, and yes - it gets in your eyes. Also, your roommate will inevitably choose that time to walk by and witness your whirlwind toothpaste cat 5 hurricane, and might attempt to treat what she believes to be - an epileptic fit.
Only when your sonicare toothbrush has finished its 2 minute brushathon and has ceased its vibrating mayhem of savagery - should you very, very, carefully - remove this very phenomenal cleaning device from your mouth - rinse it lovingly - retire it to it's charging haven - fall to your knees - and pay homage to the most powerful piece of vibrating equipment you will ever own, that didn't come from a shop with barred windows.
p.s. I <3 my new sonicare.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
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7 comments:
Now see, that's why I don't have a sonicare. Not because I'm some kind of plebeian who can't spare the change.
There should be a postscript about the penchant for the sonicare to accumulate toothpaste if not properly maintained and the ensuing embarrassment of having company discover it.
hahahaha - the discovery of your pastecrustmountainbrush leads to my delicate ever loving removal of ever last piece of spit I can find on my toothbrush in sheer terror of the known consequences. So, you have indeed helped humanity - one sonicare at a time.
FYI -- It shouldn't live permanently on the charge base... these brushes still use the semi-ancient NiCd batteries, which will end up with a memory if they live constantly on the charger.
Wait 'til it depletes and flashes, then charge it up... ours run about a week between charges.
also, for equipment cleaning purposes, the brush head pops down out of the little cylinder that you twist onto the base. if you only discover this 3 months into owning it, and you see the moldy paste sculpture hiding in there, you'll wish you hadn't.
it's all worth it though. upon your next visit, your dental hygienist will ask you out and your dentist will make pleased sounds of gutteral awe and admiration when she's wrist-deep in your molars. if you ever travel and have to step down to a mere mortal toothbrush, you'll feel like your teeth have grown fur and moss. you'll be overjoyed and tearful when you and mr. good vibrations are reunited at home.
i'm not gonna lie, i bought my brother and his wife a set for xmas. and i felt like an awesome sibling doing so.
give the gift of awesome: give sonicare.
Suddenly I feel like some sort of dental hygiene cave man. I still use a good old fashioned manual toothbrush. However, this blog entry explains why the girl upstairs has toothpaste all over the mirror. I figured that maybe the effervescence of toothpaste maybe made her sneeze or something. But now I know. Maybe it's because she brushes her teeth with a vibrator.
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