materialism is kind of fun

not to blow against the wind or whatever - but don't ever let anyone tell you money doesn't buy happiness. Because - I'm pretty sure the foosball table my friend and I just bought for $50, and my new rifle bb gun for $20 , and this pretty kick ass little yamaha I just got off craigslist - are kind of making me really supremely happy. I'd like to elaborate, but I'm off to go try out my new helmet that doesn't look too far from an optimus prime mask (read: awesome).

Happy one year chapel hill

Anniversaries rarely pass without some means of reflection - ironically, the more elusive and meaningless the event - the more prone I am to remembering it. Often these anniversaries are notched into my timeline via something appropriately inane - like, oh man, the day time awards are on tonight?? wow, this time last year I totally put a new crank arm on my bike - I can't believe its already been a year, jeez - totally still shifts like a dream - and every subsequent year I'll think about this crank arm when I hear about the daytime awards. The reflections become more intense in a directly proportional manner to time passed - several years and my crank arm will serve as a springboard for, woah I can totally ride X distance X amount faster - and all the other new equipment I have invested in, the jobs Ive been through and stressed over while riding, all the states I rode in, etc etc...

Besides real holidays and birthdays, its dawned on me that this weekend marked possibly my first worthwhile anniversary. The infamous, most fantastic of all music fests, Gathering of the Vibes - went down in Bridgeport, CT...(and I am very *very* sad to say I missed it).

Last year, The Vibes served as my last days as a New Englander, it subsequently served as the simultaneous best and worst days of my life. I distinctly remember delivering my last hug in a hotel parking lot, clinging, and crying way harder than anything a 13 year old girl could produce, and having no idea how I was going to get in my car, drive away, and permanently seal off this chapter of my life. The 14 hour drive south sucked. a lot. I cried. a lot. I couldn't began to fathom what in the hell was next, grad school remained a phantom intangible concept - I had yet to even meet my roommate, see my condo etc. Uprooting and starting from scratch, and having 14 hours in a stuffy car with a litter box in the backseat, to think of nothing else but this mystery future sitting in front of you, your best friends and familiar life behind you, with your drugged cat meowing like its dying beside you, is quite honestly - *unpleasant and unrecommended*

Since Vibes of '08, I learned the ropes of my first year, successfully made it through my classes, joined a lab, bought a scooter, selling the scooter, bought a motorcycle, lost two feet of small bowel, spent five months in the hospital, revisited Massachusetts, NY, Virginia, Bermuda and soon I'll be in Montana. Ive taken the hardest tests of my life, completed homework that would make grown men weep, and two months of intense labor produced a paper that nearly killed me. I gotta say, this was one of the more lively years of my life. And I hope next year, I'll be celebrating two years of grad school under my belt, back at the Vibes, with the friends from Massachusetts that I'm still torn up over having left.

almost human

push play or else.


so - in addition to actually making it over my first mountain on my bike yesterday, and yes it was only a 12 mile ride, and yes I spent most of the time not trying to swallow my tongue/vomit trying to breathe, and yes I could have done it 4 times over not too long ago and it been a whim, and no I still don't even remotely fill out my bike shorts, but I did that shit, and it was harder than crap. Yeah, so in addition to THAT. allow me to say I ate three whole meals yesterday, inclusive of toaster strudels, pb&j and chips, and ginger snaps and whipped cream (among other delightful concoctions) - and house was on for four hours last night...and I started my writing assignment for lab. (if you aren't weeping tears of overwhelming joy for me at this point, congratulations, you have no soul)....in addition to all of this

I AM NOW DRAINLESS.

My dad came at me with gauze and a pair of scissors this morning and said.
It is time.

pee award

At approximately 4am last night I received 10 mg of lasix, the doctors were worried because I literally peed twice yesterday and started just blowing up with fluid, my arms, legs, face - turned into gigantic basketballs.

From the lowest dose of lasix possible to administer, that is supposed to be effective a mere few hours, I have now urinated 8,800 mLs in the past 24 hours and I'm still going strong. Honestly honestly not exageratting these numbers, the nurses and I just stood around and marvelled over them with me.

thats almost *TEN* liters of water I was holding onto and its not even the end.


p.s. now i do really hope I'm going home. didn't make it today =(

this is going to hurt tomorrow.

After spending infinitesimally more cumulative time in the hospital over the past three months than either the gym or my bike combined, and after dropping almost 10% of my body weight, and after surgery, and after 100's of needle sticks, and IVs, and ER visits, and too many melt downs--and being so supremely out of shape that walking 30 min yesterday made my calves ungodly sore today -- dude, I just got on my bike for the first time in months and dragged my skeletal ass up and down 20 miles worth of man eating hills.



yeah. it was kind of that victorious.

and my skeletal ass, oh god, I may not be able to sit for a week.

he giveth and taketh away, or something. or i just ate like 927 mgs of oxycodone.

losses:

1) insomnia
2) half of my medical bills (tthhaaannkks mom)
3) my crappy ass half working laptop
4) 1 foot of small bowel
5) a terrifying old abdominal incision

gains:

1) a prescription for ambien (zing!)
2) a $1600 charge to my credit card bill (see 3)
3) A 250 GIG HARDRIVE MACBOOK 2.4 GHZ WITH 2 GIGS OF MEMORY. (and some free printer/copier/scanner - something - its downstairs so fuzzy details)
4) a new lease on life
5) a really small neat abdominal incision that you can't fit 16 pencils, 5 pens, and 3 hot dogs in

posterpalooza

faux eclecticism

At the end of yesterday I was impressed with the social gamut I managed to cover in a mere 12 hours- but then, as my hand was in the process of reaching for my back in pursuit of a firm well-deserved pat - I put my feet back on the ground and realized this spectrum of avocations I felt so inclined to be proud of, were meagerly deserved at best.

pothead: went to a head shop - spent an hour in a heady discussion with the store clerk on the pros and cons of bubblers, bowls, vaporizers and the different strata of pothead that utilizes such paraphernalia. Then purchased a bubbler for a friend's birthday.

meathead: proceeded to GNC - spent some time talking with the store clerk on the pros and cons of various protein and energy supplements, talked extensively about cycling and lifting. Then I purchased a protein blend I'm just okay on, since my standard was not in stock.

political enthusiast: voted - spoke to no one, purchased nothing, received a coupon for a free coffee at my local bakery. felt particularly empowered and proud for being a good American. went to a party celebrating the election.

altruist to the homeless: while passing a gaunt aged man on the street, huddled in an alcove, was asked for any spare change. I paused to give him every last coin I could procure out of my purse (a 3 minute search at best) - and also I gave him a clove for good measure.

scientist: went to lab - Discussed at length the pros and cons of various substrates employed im my (desperate) desire to make things work. Purchased HPTS (8-hydroxypyrene-1,3,6-trisulfonic acid), a pH dependent flourophore for my very own pet project that I am building from the ground up.

The punch line:

pothead: I don't smoke pot, haven't purchased a piece in ages, tried my best to regurgitate phrases I haven't used in years.

meathead: I know a limited amount of anything dealing with supplements, but this guy seemed impressed I was aware of the basics so our conversation was mostly over my head. I tried my best to regurgitate phrases I may or may not have heard other exercise savvy friends toss about.

political enthusiast: I voted. the end. I normally hate politics and avoid them thusly, this year was an obvious exception. after 3 hours of sleep that coffee saved my life.

altruist to the homeless:I never give bums money, donating to shelters maybe, rarely will I give hobos a sideways glance. But, seeing as I veritably lied my ass off to some kind old attendant when parking in a lot - where UNC affiliates are absolutely not allowed to park - I needed karma on my side. I left the lot ticket free.

scientist: who has two thumbs and knows her lab shit? this girl right here.

illustrious demands

25 years ago today I was expelled from my mother's uterus.

therefore, in celebration of my existance on this earth, (and thank your lucky stars, your life) this is what I want for my birthday:

1) biscuits and jelly
2) apple pie and ice cream
3) a maid
4) a frodo costume for halloween
5) the answers to Dale Ramsden's take home test
6) the answers to all my questions actually
7) a personal assistant (Erin, really, your name is written all over this one, I suggest you put your bid in early before someone else takes it)
8) new bike wheels
9) someone to image my slides so I don't have to go into lab today
10) an updated sirius radio
11) oh shit the sirius stiletto
12) sirius to be wired into my actual stereo and not transmitted through shitty fm
13) PBS and RPMI waiting for me in the cold room
14) a gym membership at the Y
15) recognition from all the people that I deem relevant in my life, that you are in fact, pleased to have me around, I would like this to be expressed in a monetary or material nature, I could settle for a hug, but a pair of sweet Bose headphones would really drive the message home.


Alright guys, there you have it, you have til midnight, i'd suggest you get cracking, esp for number 5 and 6, could be tricky.

I also recommend you talk amongst yourselves as to who is getting what so I'm not stuck returning double presents.

Smack Talk

This is a few months worth of some wall posts exchanged (the private messages we send each other tend to be much worse) between myself and my internet friend Matt, I have never met said friend, and yes, we met through the mecca of all that is awesome-- facebook--. Our entire relationship is based on verbally assaulting one another - for really no other reason then I can consistently beat the shit out of Matt in Scramble (unless he cheats). A little background, I think Matt is like, pushing 40 - is a lobbyist, and and knows how to play maybe three chords on a guitar. Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 1:56pm on July 6th, 2008 I'm beginning to understand why you don't have a boyfriend. *ouch

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 2:23pm on July 6th, 2008

woah - you're reaching. and - you just aren't reaching far enough.

no - didn't cut me deep on that one im afraid.

shouldn't you be expending that little bean of yours' energy on scramble.? i know that dig took a lot of effort. don't tax yourself now. pacing is key.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 12:41am on July 19th, 2008

I'm sorry, Lisa. I seem to be beating your ass in Scramble. I let my subscription to SA expire because the new editors turned it into a commie pinko rag.

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 10:22am on July 19th, 2008

So, I am sitting here on my couch wistfully reflecting on memories of old, memories of new. Whilst staring off into space with a dreamy gleam in my eye, I recalled this foggy memory of the time you wrote on my wall bragging about - I think you were beating me in scramble? or something, but you totally were throwing down mad smack talk. I guess you thought you were going to win. yeah, it was definately scramble.

and then. I won.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 3:22pm on July 19th, 2008 You got lucky! You beat my ass on only one round! But soon...soon... oh, victory will taste so sweet!

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 10:10am on July 23rd, 2008

you would be so lucky to a) be cool enough to rock out my glasses and b) understand how to embrace things of an awesome nature such as large unsightly cranial accessories.

your skills are clearly lacking in more then just scramble and perhaps two or three missing fingers.

just sayin' ;)

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 6:27pm on July 23rd, 2008

I BEAT YOU!!!!!

GO BACK TO WHORE ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa McCoig wrote at 10:32pm on July 23rd, 2008 I give you my most sincere congratulations for beating me after 100's of rounds. The statistics have treated you well.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 10:50pm on July 23rd, 2008 Ahhh, rationalize it however you wish, but the fact remains that my skill grows like a mighty oak, as yours diminishes like a bush that has been urinated on too much. (I've actually seen that happen.

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 2:34pm on July 24th, 2008

I'm sorry to hear your bush died b/c you lack indoor plumbing.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 4:30pm on July 24th, 2008

Funny how you immediately assumed it was due to a lack of indoor plumbing... must be a cultural thing.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BUMPER STICKER?!?!?!?!?!???

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 12:25pm on August 10th, 2008

dear matt,

my condolences for your grief on my latest internet disappearance. do not fear, i will be back to kick your ass in scramble. i hope your wet tear stained pillow doesn't keep you up at night.

love and kisses,

lisa

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 10:51am on August 20th, 2008 It's "ensuring," moron

-

Lisa McCoig wrote at 12:29pm on August 20th, 2008 thanks douchey.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 10:53pm on August 25th, 2008 You're forgetting the rope!!! You need a ROPE, silly!!!

-

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:01am on August 26th, 2008 uuhh. what do i need a rope for?

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 8:03am on August 26th, 2008

Oh, never mind. Your profile pic shows you standing on the stool, and I just assumed you were in despair about losing to be twice in Scramble. I decided to cheat just to irritate you.

Lisa McCoig wrote at 11:26am on August 26th, 2008 wow. you would cheat b/c you obviously don't have enough manhood to handle my consistent winning streak. ahhhh one day maybe your testes will drop or something.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 5:33pm on August 26th, 2008

My testes did drop. I'll never forget that day, in fact. They hit the floor so hard they broke my foot and my parents had to call a contractor to fix the basement ceiling.

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:48am on August 27th, 2008 http://www.fraxa.org/?gclid=CLyn88n5rZUCFRghnAodqiE9kg

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:48am on August 27th, 2008 shit matt, big nuts are a sure sign of Fragile X...which explains a lot seeing as FraX sufferers are often retarded. Thank god for my Adv Molecular course - just learned alllllllll about you. You might want to get your chromosomes analyzed before you reproduce...you know, this shit is genetic and your kids will have it worse then you. damn it feels good to be the jesus of all that is bio.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 11:20pm on September 8th, 2008 McCoig, you so suck.

-

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 11:31pm on September 8th, 2008 Speaking of nightime accoutrements, you left your vibrator next to my bed again.

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:15am on September 9th, 2008 it can stay there, I don't need my vibrator when I'm with anyone else.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 9:08pm on September 9th, 2008 Yeah, but it's your vibrator that's 6 inches wide with the 12-volt rechargable battery, and it's really taking up a lot of space.

-

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 9:53pm on September 9th, 2008

so you are waiting for me to give you permission to house it in your anus. oh. i see. I don't know how I didn't read between the lines earlier. Well, Matt - by all me

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 10:46pm on September 9th, 2008

Well, no, actually. I'm just saying that if you can pick it up, along with the camper battery adapter and your value-sized tub of Valtrex, I might be able to put a few of my books down on my nightstand. Thanks!

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 5:09pm on September 10th, 2008

Matt, number one, your reading is limited to menu's with pictures, number two, try not to act like I'm paying you some disservice when we both know you are feeling extra manly with my vibrator so proudly displayed on your nightstand, number three, my vag can not accommodate 6 inch wide anythings unless its squishy like a baby, number four, we went in on the extra big valtrex together- so why don't you scoop out your half and I'll think about removing the container to my own home - although i really only remember to take it when you're around. goodness gracious.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 7:49pm on September 10th, 2008 Lisa, you're obviously still incensed over the time you caught me knocking up your mother. Don't be mad at me! She's the one who gave you the thumbs up sign in the middle of it, not me. I only told you to close the door because you were letting in a draft. I wasn't trying to be rude.

-

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 10:40am yesterday

didn't want a draft eh? understandable, you might need all the um *ahem* non cold and drafty conditions you can get.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 9:58pm yesterday Certainly so. Your mom's vag is like a sloppy piece of roast beef on a good day, and when it gets cold it's like banging a snowman. Chilly!

-

Lisa McCoig wrote at 4:27am Matt, let's not act like roast beef isn't the better alternative to the microwaved watermelon you're used to.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 9:52am Microwaved watermelon? Must be a Southern thing.

-

I was a hardcore scientific P mother effing hD grad student today.

Good evening ladies and gentleman,

Today I witnessed eight, yes, eight, soft furry happy little mice, get mercilessly slaughtered. The post-doc who was by my side did not euthanize them with CO2 as per normal, no, she pulled on their heads and asses simultaneously until you heard all the bones break in their neck - effectively called, cervical dislocation.

She then made the smallest incision on their back. Innocent and harmless enough, I was like, "oh gee this isn't really so bad. There isn't even any blood."

Then, as if opening a bag of frito fucking lays, (I kid you not) placed her fingers on either side of the hole, and ripped its skin off its body.

Holy christ, this now very dead mouse with a very broken neck is laying in front of me with no skin, its like, this sack of organs with feet. Some other MD in the lab came over and was like, oh um, can I have your intestine?

So now instead of contained body parts, its messy body parts. But even better, these messy organs are still all attached, like those Christmas rings we made out of construction paper as kids, except you know, MADE OUT OF GUTS, WARM GUTS THAT ARE STILL TWITCHING - all because this guy came and helped himself to our entrails and made our neat packaged skinless mice turn into what could be passed off as meat lasagna.

So now when Bo, the post doc, picks up the mouse its literally inside out with all of its organs just a'flappin in the breeze-- its head is dangling and it's tongue is hanging out of its mouth, from the cervical dislocation of course. Ugh, blood all over the paper towels, all over her gloves. ugh. ugh. ugh. and its still twitching.

Oh shit then she ripped its legs off, explaining it was too slow to use scissors. She put the legs in a petri dish and slid them towards me bar style. She instructed me to remove all the tissue and clean the bone so I could then, naturally, cut the bones up and blow out their bone marrow. But I shouldn't forget to cut the feet off first.

Yeah of course I don't mind cutting off their feet because I'm really not about to vomit everywhere.

Yeah, 8 fucking mice equals way too many legs and way too many little furry mice feet that I snipped off today. Oh shit. And DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THAT BONE MARROW !?!?!? Yeah, went in the autoclave trash, because you know, today was just for practice.

(She did need to harvest spleens, it wasn't all waste).

The best part wasn't the crunching of the breaking neck, or the peritoneal cavity being harvested for fall fixings, it was the grad students who were in and out of our room laughing at my green face and teary eyes, giving me the ol' punch on the shoulder because before no time that will be me... me who will be ripping mice apart without compunction, and simultaneously contemplating hamburgers for dinner.


My second day in lab was a little overwhelming to say the least. On my way out I stopped for a quick 45 min chat with my PI who advised me mice were easier to kill the C. elegans because they were bigger, and if I was having that much trouble then I could look at the mice under the microscope whilst killing ensued - for more familiar killing grounds of course. Ha. Ha. Ha.