Smack Talk

This is a few months worth of some wall posts exchanged (the private messages we send each other tend to be much worse) between myself and my internet friend Matt, I have never met said friend, and yes, we met through the mecca of all that is awesome-- facebook--. Our entire relationship is based on verbally assaulting one another - for really no other reason then I can consistently beat the shit out of Matt in Scramble (unless he cheats). A little background, I think Matt is like, pushing 40 - is a lobbyist, and and knows how to play maybe three chords on a guitar. Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 1:56pm on July 6th, 2008 I'm beginning to understand why you don't have a boyfriend. *ouch

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 2:23pm on July 6th, 2008

woah - you're reaching. and - you just aren't reaching far enough.

no - didn't cut me deep on that one im afraid.

shouldn't you be expending that little bean of yours' energy on scramble.? i know that dig took a lot of effort. don't tax yourself now. pacing is key.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 12:41am on July 19th, 2008

I'm sorry, Lisa. I seem to be beating your ass in Scramble. I let my subscription to SA expire because the new editors turned it into a commie pinko rag.

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 10:22am on July 19th, 2008

So, I am sitting here on my couch wistfully reflecting on memories of old, memories of new. Whilst staring off into space with a dreamy gleam in my eye, I recalled this foggy memory of the time you wrote on my wall bragging about - I think you were beating me in scramble? or something, but you totally were throwing down mad smack talk. I guess you thought you were going to win. yeah, it was definately scramble.

and then. I won.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 3:22pm on July 19th, 2008 You got lucky! You beat my ass on only one round! But soon...soon... oh, victory will taste so sweet!

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 10:10am on July 23rd, 2008

you would be so lucky to a) be cool enough to rock out my glasses and b) understand how to embrace things of an awesome nature such as large unsightly cranial accessories.

your skills are clearly lacking in more then just scramble and perhaps two or three missing fingers.

just sayin' ;)

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 6:27pm on July 23rd, 2008

I BEAT YOU!!!!!

GO BACK TO WHORE ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa McCoig wrote at 10:32pm on July 23rd, 2008 I give you my most sincere congratulations for beating me after 100's of rounds. The statistics have treated you well.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 10:50pm on July 23rd, 2008 Ahhh, rationalize it however you wish, but the fact remains that my skill grows like a mighty oak, as yours diminishes like a bush that has been urinated on too much. (I've actually seen that happen.

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 2:34pm on July 24th, 2008

I'm sorry to hear your bush died b/c you lack indoor plumbing.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 4:30pm on July 24th, 2008

Funny how you immediately assumed it was due to a lack of indoor plumbing... must be a cultural thing.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BUMPER STICKER?!?!?!?!?!???

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 12:25pm on August 10th, 2008

dear matt,

my condolences for your grief on my latest internet disappearance. do not fear, i will be back to kick your ass in scramble. i hope your wet tear stained pillow doesn't keep you up at night.

love and kisses,

lisa

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 10:51am on August 20th, 2008 It's "ensuring," moron

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Lisa McCoig wrote at 12:29pm on August 20th, 2008 thanks douchey.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 10:53pm on August 25th, 2008 You're forgetting the rope!!! You need a ROPE, silly!!!

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Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:01am on August 26th, 2008 uuhh. what do i need a rope for?

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 8:03am on August 26th, 2008

Oh, never mind. Your profile pic shows you standing on the stool, and I just assumed you were in despair about losing to be twice in Scramble. I decided to cheat just to irritate you.

Lisa McCoig wrote at 11:26am on August 26th, 2008 wow. you would cheat b/c you obviously don't have enough manhood to handle my consistent winning streak. ahhhh one day maybe your testes will drop or something.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 5:33pm on August 26th, 2008

My testes did drop. I'll never forget that day, in fact. They hit the floor so hard they broke my foot and my parents had to call a contractor to fix the basement ceiling.

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:48am on August 27th, 2008 http://www.fraxa.org/?gclid=CLyn88n5rZUCFRghnAodqiE9kg

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:48am on August 27th, 2008 shit matt, big nuts are a sure sign of Fragile X...which explains a lot seeing as FraX sufferers are often retarded. Thank god for my Adv Molecular course - just learned alllllllll about you. You might want to get your chromosomes analyzed before you reproduce...you know, this shit is genetic and your kids will have it worse then you. damn it feels good to be the jesus of all that is bio.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 11:20pm on September 8th, 2008 McCoig, you so suck.

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Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 11:31pm on September 8th, 2008 Speaking of nightime accoutrements, you left your vibrator next to my bed again.

Lisa McCoig wrote at 7:15am on September 9th, 2008 it can stay there, I don't need my vibrator when I'm with anyone else.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 9:08pm on September 9th, 2008 Yeah, but it's your vibrator that's 6 inches wide with the 12-volt rechargable battery, and it's really taking up a lot of space.

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Lisa McCoig wrote
at 9:53pm on September 9th, 2008

so you are waiting for me to give you permission to house it in your anus. oh. i see. I don't know how I didn't read between the lines earlier. Well, Matt - by all me

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote
at 10:46pm on September 9th, 2008

Well, no, actually. I'm just saying that if you can pick it up, along with the camper battery adapter and your value-sized tub of Valtrex, I might be able to put a few of my books down on my nightstand. Thanks!

Lisa McCoig wrote
at 5:09pm on September 10th, 2008

Matt, number one, your reading is limited to menu's with pictures, number two, try not to act like I'm paying you some disservice when we both know you are feeling extra manly with my vibrator so proudly displayed on your nightstand, number three, my vag can not accommodate 6 inch wide anythings unless its squishy like a baby, number four, we went in on the extra big valtrex together- so why don't you scoop out your half and I'll think about removing the container to my own home - although i really only remember to take it when you're around. goodness gracious.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 7:49pm on September 10th, 2008 Lisa, you're obviously still incensed over the time you caught me knocking up your mother. Don't be mad at me! She's the one who gave you the thumbs up sign in the middle of it, not me. I only told you to close the door because you were letting in a draft. I wasn't trying to be rude.

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Lisa McCoig wrote
at 10:40am yesterday

didn't want a draft eh? understandable, you might need all the um *ahem* non cold and drafty conditions you can get.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 9:58pm yesterday Certainly so. Your mom's vag is like a sloppy piece of roast beef on a good day, and when it gets cold it's like banging a snowman. Chilly!

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Lisa McCoig wrote at 4:27am Matt, let's not act like roast beef isn't the better alternative to the microwaved watermelon you're used to.

Matt McBride (Baltimore, MD) wrote at 9:52am Microwaved watermelon? Must be a Southern thing.

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